Feet locked and loaded Squatty potty saves the day My undies are clean
A speedy hot wind It does not travel alone Shit in my pants
Pushing and straining It doesnt want to come out A plop marks the end
Sulfur, is that eggs? No, my deep condolences Dairy makes me sick
Hot, and oh so warm My pants have become humid I cant remain clean
A deep rumbling A tremor in my anus Old Faithful born new
Hot breath of Satan Do you dare inhale my stench? I am Hell itself
The pressure is building Like a deep throated grumble A whoosh of ass wind
A wandering stream Hot brown sludge runs down my leg Fart, that gas was not
What the fuck is that!? As i step into the stall It looks back at me
A hush fills the room Was it a gun? Nay, my butt My boss smells my gas
A reverent act What I thought would be quiet Came out like a bang
Like a Papal vote Green poo gas like black smoke wafts A Conclave ended
Work interrupted Camera off, call muted Sprint to the bathroom
Slowly I smile Massive release from inside A stench marks success
Is there enough time? Rotten milk and fish for lunch Where is the toilet?
Firm, soft or soupy A different shape, color and smell New day, new poopy
A sigh of relief Cool breeze upon my buttocks Sitting on the throne
Many small plops Was a deer in my bathroom? No, just my weird poops
Oh, so many farts Why must I be the gas man? I can’t stop my farts
I’m riding the throne Where will my stallion take me? Need to shit so bad
Brown and white Picasso It’s diarrhea
Started in my cheeks Tumbled past my shorts and knees There’s poo in my shoe
Theres shit everywhere Take that girls rotary club Should have let me join
Beads of sweat drip down White knuckling the stall rail Is today my last?
When I camp I fear Will this be the night I shit? Pooping in the dark
Sick at the doctor Testing for Giardia The angel of death
Norovirus, now? Dark suffering on the pot Diarrhea flows
Middle of the night The dark winter moon is high Toilet seat is ice
Standing to go pee Sudden pressure at the door Hurry sit and shit
Racing to the loo Pressure grows, will I make it Oh good lord, a sneeze
Brown, tan, gold, and red? These are the colors I see Sick on the toilet
The barfs and the squirts Bowels heaving with their might Got to time it right
Calm, here as I sit In quiet contemplation Hrmph, taking a shit
Hard work paying off That is so satisfying The toilet flushes
An intimate time She wanted sex, gas said no Tummy ache problems
Blocked like peak rush hour The body yearned for release Pushing with my might
Is that a fever? Breaking into a cold sweat Violent shitting
Could one come from this? Pushing this hard while pooping A new hernia
Cold linoleum My insides are a war zone I am a hostage
Shits like a war zone Call an air strike for gods sake We’re all gonna die
I thought I’d make it A seven hour bus ride There’s poop in my pants
I feel bad for them A crowded elevator My bowels unleash
It’s called pure terror As I fumble with my pants I’ve done it again
Chaffed like a cowboy Pants soggy like an Irish bog Mydbutt like crazy
There’s blood in my stool Is it cause I’m a bad ass? No, just very sick
Drain the swamp I chant With my people, angrily really, drain my pants
Cars, never owned one You’d think I’d be a car nut With all these skid marks
Like the keen waiter “Would you like fresh ground pepper?” Poop flakes in my pants
I’m to old for this I whisper, broken hearted Fresh deuce smeared all over
Thoroughly sopping A meteor hits ocean Hard turd, still water
4 piece or 6 piece What is up with my diet? Poo poo McNuggets
Like a chrysalis Creature develops in me Borne from my anus
Dear god please save me My butt makes a soupy mess Never clean again
Cat 5 hurricane Wreaking havoc across town JK it’s my butt
Yo, let that shit slide I whisper as I wrestle Alone in this stall
Visibly upset This could be my darkest hour A shit so grievous
A poison boiling Guts writhing like a serpent The snake slithers out
A forlorn lover Lost again, my guts doth reek Gone, no air to breath
Brown crinkled paper More cracks than a grannies face This odd raisin poop
I like to see them A quick glance between my legs A beheaded snake
Crack open the can The still waters a mirror About to be cracked
Many minutes spent A semi colon, no, full A very rough draft
A story deep down Each swipe, brown ink on paper My work, full of crap
Ice cream family night Those scoops had too much dairy A race to the house
Need to move faster The butt vault is opening Little turds escaping
Baseball steak oh my Red meat always does me in The bowl is splattered
Can’t forget that turd Skinny, fat, all the wrong spots I’m forever scarred
VIP bathroom Snuck in here to take a shit I will leave a mess
It’s time for business So busy, email, phone call Holding poop all day